im about as happy as oj after his trial
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
