Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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