Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
