Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
