The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will be naked everywhere
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
