I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
