you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
