She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
