I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
