my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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