Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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