his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
