Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
