Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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