Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
