i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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