my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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