Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
