Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
