Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
