The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
