we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
