It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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