I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
