I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
