At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
