if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
