Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Two words: blizzard sex
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
