So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
