the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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