Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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