Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
