ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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