Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The power of my boobs compel you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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