dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
