I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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