Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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