How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
