Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
