So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
