there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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