it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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