Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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