I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
