Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
