When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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