You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
