If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
