so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
