On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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