Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
