is your mom at the bar?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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