So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he thought i was a dude.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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