xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
