dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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