captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
