Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
