five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
