So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
